The first step is always the hardest, longest contemplated step. The step that begins a drastic fall or climb in not only who you may be but in who you are. I once heard someone say that no matter who you believe you are, no matter the identity you personally share with others, the identity created or spoken of from others about you, is the identity you will be portrayed as being.
This is a serious issue. Who you are, who you want to be, how you want to be percieved.
That being said, I will begin my introduction the way I always do. I have a loss of "self-identity". I cannot begin to explain who I am without at least mentioning my two little blessings! I am a mother of two, Kaitlyn and Drake. They are everything to me, really. Every decision I make, I do so with them in mind. They are my shining stars, good moods, bad moods, I love them unconditionally.
I am 23 years old, born in Mid-July, 1986. I've always lived around the same places. (Never exceeding that 50 mile radius.) I remember when I was young thinking, "I can not wait to get away from the country....birds, deer....trees, good gracious these trees and fields...oh my goodness these fields, never ending..." however, now, it is the exact oppositte. I yearn for that big yard, big in the front, even larger in the back, equally large on both sides. Rolling hills, greens and browns, clear sky, bright stars, deers, foxes, all the above...
Now, I awake tot he sound of vehicles and people around me. There is a house not 5 feet away from mine on both sides of my house, and although I am lucky enough to have a bigger back yard than front yard, my yard is small....
Now, don't get me wrong, I am in no means complaining! I am so entirely greatful for my blessings. I love the house, the yard, and most importantly my children. I work all to much to not be greatful ;)
So, now we have summarized that I am a 23 year old mother of two who underestimated the power of living in the solitude of the country. You may be wondering if this is all that completes me, and to answer that question, I would say, "No, absolutely not".
I love the outdoors, and with that I love gardening, weeping willow trees, lilac bushes, crab apple trees, and the browns, greens and oranges of the earth. (All my favorite colors.) I enjoy experiementing with food, and will be the first to admit I am not a great cook, however I will add that I have never had anyone become ill from cooking either. :) I enjoy running, walking, hiking, dancing and singing with my children. I love climbing trees and admiring art. Sitting down with my children as we do arts and crafts and explore the creativepath inside us individually makes us happy and brings us closer together. I learn something new everyday and I make it a point to!
I work full time at a plasma donation facility and I think my job is very important; more than that though, I think donating is extremly important. The quality of life it allows others to have is miraculous. It is a miracle upon itself and knowing that I am even a small part of that is enlightening and fullfilling.
I am also a student, attending school full time, via internet. I have little time to devot to anything else and I am quite surprised I found the time to write this quick little "blog" here. The truth of the matter is, I am a young struggling mother, trying to make ends meet, trying to do well for her children and herself. I do not like to ask for help and doing so brings me down a little bit. I always feel further behind even though in reality I am not. I doing well for my age, I suppose. I am just not where my own imparticular goals had been set.
That being said, there is still more to me...
But I must sleep. Sweet dreams now.
